I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
