Nicole vs. Life
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize