i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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