I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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