why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
