I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
