do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize