Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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