i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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