you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
