if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
