From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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