I accidentally burped into my bong.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
