Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
