he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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