Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
