What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
