At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
