a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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