She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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