things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Randomize
