She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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