my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
