I am puke
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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