well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize