gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
