Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
