Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
