I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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