The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
