I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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