i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
