I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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