She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize