Just mADE A PArabola og urine
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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