SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
