i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
that is very illegal...i love you.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
