ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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