Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
