bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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