i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
