I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
