if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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