How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
