There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
