remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize