please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
