after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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