people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
