I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
