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I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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