Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
