is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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