I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
