i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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