How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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