he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
