my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
