Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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